May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
