My friends, they love my intelligence
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
