Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
