let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
