is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
