is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
