It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
