she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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