Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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