youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
