You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
