last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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