just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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