then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
