i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
