so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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