I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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