Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
