Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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