Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
