I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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