Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
