WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
