I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
