what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
