my mouth tastes like poor choices
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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