Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
