Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
