I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
