Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
