they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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