we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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