Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
