I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
