forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
