i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
