proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
