why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
