It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
