i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
