We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
