My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're too hungover to prance.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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