I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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