and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
MIDGETS
????
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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