i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
