I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
