great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I forgot wine drunk hurts
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
