I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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