KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
