it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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