i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
