Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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