Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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