She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
