tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
